Bloodthirst

A raging madness begins
Hunger beyond words
A thirst that cannot be quenched
A frenzy starts within, not to be satisfied
Absolute madness, so paralyzing
The craziness builds momentum each second
The intensity completely overwhelming!
Its uncontrolled and fear threatens
But the craze is too powerful to be calm
There's no balance and all is lost!

Transformation

Actual change is a journey, becoming a better version of yourself is daunting but with courage and time it can happen. Its a slow and gradual change and often times painful but we need to be open to the experience and look forward to the future. Endless nights of tears finally reveal who we really are inside and after all the 'crap' has been washed away then we can emerge as a butterfly out of the cocoon.
The anchor keeps us steady and when we are used to everything we need to question our comfort and if need be raise the anchor and float free for a while before we settle. The newness scares us but we need to trust as we drift around that when the right place comes into our view then it will be time to drop anchor once again. We have to strive not to take anything for granted and always be ready to move on if we need to, instead of just being comfortable and settling for whatever is handed to us.
When we don't move, we don't grow, we don't progress. Its good to standstill sometimes and contemplate our next move but we shouldn't be afraid of new experiences. Nothing should hold us in place unless we are happy and when we look back we won't have any regrets.

Comfort

Can you ever be so lost that you cannot be found? You are there among people but no one actually "gets" you and you just nod and smile but you are on the outside looking in. Its like a dark cloud that hovers over you and whatever ray of light tries to come through is swallowed by the darkness so intense. The heaviness is a blanket that engulfs you and keep you warm as it alienates you from everything else.
Your way of life is a comfort that keeps you going and its like a shelter you never want to leave. As much as it doesn't make sense to everyone else, it feels like home and nothing else no matter how bright calls out to you.
Its a feeling of great panic, deep in the water, no oxygen but its peaceful even as your life drains out of you. It welcomes you and feels so surreal and you want to get lost in it.
Should you take a chance to find yourself again and risk everything you know? Having to leave the comfort of home? The shelter you are used to?
I wish we could see what could have been without having to wait for it to be. I am sure its a sight to behold but we have to live in the actual moments so that one day they can become memories and something to look back on.
I am listening to the voices and they call out different things, some loud, some soft and I don't know which instructions to heed.
Wisdom is knowing what you can't fight and what battles to ignore!

Letting Go!

I feel your hand slipping out of my grasp
I try to hold on but deep inside I want to let go
The pretense makes the grip softer and softer
And eventually we slip apart
There's a moment of panic as the reality of being separated sinks in
I am falling with no support and I struggle with my new found freedom
Is this what I really want?
My hand was so heavy for so long and all I dreamed about was having it back
But now that I have it to myself, its lonely
I want someone holding it, holding me; but what am I willing to give up?
Can I hold on to the freedom and give it up at the same time?
There are no tears to shed, just a deep sadness.
A part of me is slowly dying while I am being reborn
As painful as it is, I am curious to see who I become....

Transitions

Changes come when we least expect them, we might not be ready but we are left with no choice and we either embrace the change or struggle against it and tire ourselves out and eventually give up. I have learnt that burdens or difficulties are blessings in disguise and once we open ourselves up then a wealth of lessons is in store for us.
The people that walk the journey with us are the major blessing and lesson, some we wouldn't have given a second chance to even speak to us but in the moment we have to be patient and waiting gives us a chance to actually discover who they are. We don't ever walk away the same when we give them a chance to share a part of themselves to us and if we open ourselves up to the experience then we have an opportunity to offer something as well.
Transitions are what make life interesting, the different people that walk into our lives and how long they stay and what they leave behind. Some are there for just a short time and take away more than they bring in and others are there for a longer time and leave nothing then there are some that give and take equally.
What we have to take away from each experience is just the positive, whatever made us smile in the moment then we keep. The rest we discard with those that leave!