What happened to the love?

Where has the love gone, the starry eyes that carry the passion laden looks across the spaces steaming up the way in their wake, as the hearts beat faster in response, the endless longing that comes along once struck by cupid’s arrow? What happened to dreamy sun sets, to romantic picnics, to walks on the beach late at night, enjoying the sweet carress of the sand in between your toes, watching the moon above go behind the clouds? Is that all lost in a past that cannot be recaptured because we have all been through one disastrous love affair? Or because we do not want to expose ourselves to these emotions?
What happens to us when we’ve been hurt by love, when the one thing we so desired turns on us and causes havoc in our lives and changes us forever? Leaving empty shells where there once was a heart, paranoid, afraid to ever go down that road again and putting up a resistance when anyone approaches us and wants to lead us down that route.
That first innocence, that naiveté crushed and forever gone leaving behind a cynical outlook on love and even doubting its existence. How could we possibly repair the damage caused and replace the sunny outlook, is there even a way to go back to before… before the anguish began?
After love is done with most of us, we are in a permanent state of depravation where mayhem rules because we cannot trust that emotion ever again. When love goes wrong, it cripples and maims us for life – at least emotionally. I wonder what the cure is, what balm could possibly heal that wound? Is there anything that would bring back the enjoyment, the mystery of discovering each other and the joy that comes in finding that soul mate, that heart that beats in sync with yours? Or are we forever held prisoner by our suspicions?
We blame love for all kinds of misfortune, if our kindred spirit is claimed by another person or God forbid death then we blame love, is it better to have loved for a short momemt than to never have lovedat all? I ask myself this question constantly and I am afraid to admit that I am not sure….. Do the good times truly outweigh the heartbreak that comes along with this person not being in our lives anymore unless we were both ready to let go? And in that case, do you really ever let go of people you sincerely love? Can you turn your feelings off and decide not to care anymore?
As somebody famously said in the Shawshank Redemption; “Fear can hold you prisoner but hope can set you free”. Do we dare hope that this stage too will pass and we will find ourselves open to this adventure or are we even afraid to hope? Are we supposed to reclaim the days gone by, the yesterdays that have all merged into one dream that we are not even sure we lived? Or walk into it with different expectations, looking for a different kind of fulfillment?
I don’t think that there are any guarantees and that more than anything else holds us back, not knowing if our fancy will come to pass. But isn’t it worth everything to walk out there knowing that bliss beyond our wildest expectation could be waiting for us? All we really need to do take is that first step of faith and be willing to be open and honest and actually put ourselves out there? Can we successfully get rid of our jaded attitude and be less skeptic?
Who decides how valuable we are and why should we leave that in another person’s hand? Shouldn’t we live life with no regret, with no backward glance wondering what we could have done different. Shouldn’t we live each moment as if it were our last, with every second counting to the real countdown, trusting that when its time to go we’ll be ready?
We then go back to the unaffected simplicity, the ease with which we met different people and welcomed them into our hearts, without wondering what else they wanted from us. Back to giving all we could give without worrying about payback or the two way street we should be on in any relationship? The Bible does say that it is more blessed to give than to receive. Do we really live by this principle in this day and age, if we do, how easy is it? Our environment is extremely perverse and encourages resistance to good, embracing difference in the negative sense instead of looking for the good in all situations.
With that good luck out there and try to truly love the people around you!

Look out for ‘The power of the mind’ next week, inspired by our dear brother Ken ‘Sweety’ Jayala in Fallujah, Iraq – see you soon and God bless.

Hanye to the fullest!!!!!

We have had two weekends of happening!!! From Meynah's "30th" to Clyde's going away and here we go again....

Yet another weekend of adventure, what can I say… “we are happening, indeed we are” but there is no other way to enjoy the guilty pleasures without partners in crime, with feet raised up late at night and early in the morning, loving it  Good things, Good things.

“Forbidden fruit is sweet”
“Kumbe ni under 18” and the cake reading “Kumbe ni 18”
Shanton; “Hurricane San Diego, Category five”
Sammie; “All I need now is somebody to finish me off”
Mumbi; “I did not sign up for this sheyt”

We drove up to LA on Friday after jobo, maad syke for the hanye and James’ bash the next day.
- Nico happened to the chap at the parking lot cos he referred to him using the N word, punches, kicks the works.. almost killed the guy.
- Frenchy screaming; “guns, guns, we’ll be shot”
- The victim, finally gets to his feet and decides to show peeps his guys and Faridah yells out “it’s so small and pink, why is he showing it”!
- Kawa drama, peeps trying to happen to peeps they shouldn’t be happening to
- Frenchy happening at Jack in the box, infront of the car after Meynah and Sammie refused to give her a cup 
- Meynah leaving peeps and threatening to leave others the next day!
- Meynah trying to kick Nico and failing miserably and landing on his behind.. maad evidence, beer stains on the wall, wet shirt etc and Nico laughing at him until he cried!
- Nico blacked out on the wall outside, “my body ain’t right”
- Sammie & I happening on the pool table.
- Blossom getting ‘happened to’ by yours truly Faridah.
- Mumbi trying to sleep in vain.
- Roof escapades
- The chugging contests
- Trying to recapture the feeling at Martini Ranch with the music but peeps were too boozed to appreciate..
- Actually finishing all the booze in Meynah’s house before we left Sunday night and the hard liqour too… reformation anyone?

On that note, when’s the next hanye? Look out for “what happened to the love” tomorrow.

Life (to be continued)

Do we dictate the route that our life will take? Are we in charge of making it exciting? We all have opportunities to take chances and to risk everything for the greatest gain or benefit yet we hold back.
I wonder if someone must know himself very well before they can know what their limits and capabilities are, or do we just impose those restrictions on ourselves?
I believe that we all have unbelievable potential in suceeding in whatever endeavor we set our minds to. So what stops us?

There is an Irish rhyme that goes like this :

Dance like no one’s watching
Love like you’ve never been hurt
Work like you don’t need the money
Sing like no one’s listening
Make love like this is your last day alive
Live as though heaven is here on earth

If we embrace these words then we can truly start living, is it the fear of every possible thing that stops us? Are we sometimes so caught up in the pursuit of better things that we don’t ever stop and actually enjoy the moment? Enjoy the feel of the sun on our back or the wind as it whispers all around us and appreciate the stars at night?

Why can we not love every moment, every person around us without holding some part of ourselves sacred and hidden that no one can get to it? We are selfish by nature and don’t want to risk getting hurt or getting disappointed because our expectations were not met.

Instruction on Life from the Dalai Lama

- Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
- When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
- Follow the three R's:
- Respect for self.
- Respect for others.
- Responsibility for all of your actions.
- Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
- Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
- When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
- Spend some time alone every day.
- Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
- Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
- Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
- A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
- In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
- Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
- Be gentle with the earth.
- Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
- Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
- Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
- Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Highlights from 2005

The year started on a fabulous note in Vegas with loved ones around us, what a blast!
- Leaving the hanye at 9am (Blossom, Sammie, Meynah, Nico & I)
- Spelling difficulties cos of keroro "spell Reydi " e, mara X"
- Meynah breaking the keroro bottle at least there's a photo out there. His words below

"I have never broken keroro in my life. You will be sued for defamation if this allegation is ever repeated."

- Mini accident coming from 'the beach'
- Going into the wrong hotel room

Some other random highlights from '05
- Kicked out of Daniels house after the bathroom incident
- Madam at Nagi's eti "Move tha body"
- T. steadying in LA at the sight of Jukass
- Tom sleeping in clubs and parties
- The rendezvous in Poway after rugby
- Misbehaving on cross country flights
- Sleeping in airports.. on the ground and missing flights by hours
- Impersonating people so that we can get into a club..E Street Alley where Wanja was supposedly Nuria until they asked her for ID
- Pimping each other to get drinks
- Happening in a rather big way to the bar in mission beach - Beach Combers, that is what happens when pints are 0.50 cents
- People leaving Wanja to deal with the Po Po after V. drama in Mikey’s house, and to deal with V. too
- Sammie & Blossom meeting the ground at rudge this year
- Sammie leaving Frenchy in the car!
- Ger getting fired from behind the bar cos of hooking peeps up with free keroro
- Tropix, Raphy's adventure with the ball
- Sunny playing Frenchy... getting ready to go to the Marriott and having Sammie do the explaining for me!
- Peeps robbed outside the hotel rooms at rudge.. LOL
- Meeting SIZZLA and happening to the poor man
- Touching Maxi Priest…ok his hair and pulling it LMAO
- Los Angeles Sevens 2005. what more can I say?
- Kars telling Sammie and Wanja that he will let them take him to their house for a night of only he knew what.
- Maad chicken eating chicken at Hakim’s parties
- Heather’s wedding and the madness and fun at the firepit
- Going to PB with the chap from ATL with Wanja and the suggestion at the end of the night that Jukass should “pay”
- Foi’s going away party and the mayhem that came with it, esp. Danny boy's room
- Cape Fear 2005 in NC
- Labor Day Weekend 2005 in DC
- Thansgiving with our LA peeps in SD
- Asking bar tenders to taste their own drinks if we can't taste the alcohol
- Jukass getting back with Njoroge.
- Sammie & I walking thru the drive thru in el Cajon
- Getting on stage with various artists trying to perform
- Baby J running out of the car after the hanye while his foot was in a cast
- Clyde helping gidi maji perform and not remembering anything the next day
- Shocked with the $700 tab at Bandar
- Refusing to leave the hanyez even after they close!
- Club NV drama, no need to say more!!!