Quest!
I tend to ask way too many questions and accept whatever answers I get. Is it possible to be lost while surrounding yourself with loved ones, do we ever drift away into the ocean whilst our feet are firmly planted on the shore, can we be in two places at once? I am on a journey, a quest to find that which I’ve been seeking for a long time now, its coming I know but I want to go half way at least. I don’t want destiny to just find me, I want us to come together in a mutual understanding knowing that we both wanted this!
How did I get to this point, I sometimes wonder but no one’s there to answer the question, I doubt that even I, can answer the questions I have because parts of my journey are blurred, its like I walked and walked into nothingness that became something with time. And the questions start here, did I subconciously know that I was looking and I wasn’t wandering as aimlessly as I thought?
I do not want my pursuit to be in vain, the only problem is that I know not what I seek but I know that my heart will identify it to my satisfaction. So I found myself on an expedition I didn’t set out to go on but the more I stay the course, the more I am in the journey, the more joy I find. My morning are always filled with sunshine, my days full of laughter and joy indescribable and I am unable to identify the source but I want to stay in this state forever. I am on a trail full of flowers and I can hear the call of the wild, my blood thirsts for more and is calling out to its mate, I can hear the answer from a distance.
I stop to ask myself where I am headed but realize whatever the answer is, I am not about to stop. The die has been cast and I am following this to fruition and I know its going to be a wondorous sight that awaits me and my heart skips a beat in anticipation, in expectation.
With mild panic I wonder if I am lost, since I don’t know where I am headed how will I know when I stray off the path, does it even matter, is there only one path to the final destination or I can wander about until I stumble on it? Since I have lost myself in this jungle how will I find my way, leave alone find myself again or does the fact that I am on a quest to self discovery negate that?
Now the darkness that was ever so friendly starts to grow legs that chase me around my self created haven! The stars that once glittered in the midnight sky now have terrorizing eyes that watch my every move, the flowers that were ever so beautiful grow menacing arms that reach around me trying to choke the very life I want to preserve out of me. I am filled with bewilderment not knowing how I can save myself from this nightmare, this suffocating state of events!.
And just when my despair was starting to reach new heights of terror, the moon came out from behind the clouds and it was a lovely face with a little smile that comforted me and I heard a voice from a far saying “you are safe, do not be afraid, say good bye to the shackles that hold you back and step forth in faith, heaven awaits thee”. I danced in joy as I rushed forward to the arms I couldn’t see but knew would catch me…….
Have you ever been struck by lightining? I always imagine that it starts at the soles of your feet, a feeling that you cannot understand or comprehend and spreads through the rest of your body to the top of your head. This is where my ‘movie influenced imagination’ kicks in and I imagine that your hair becomes stiff and your eyes bulge out of the eye balls with hands stretched out and the rest of the body stiff.
There rarely is a warning, it just happens I assume since I haven’t been struck by lightning literally. Does everyone have just one ‘the one’ or are there people in life whos sole reason for existence is to confuse you and make you wonder if your future wasn’t meant to have them in it?
I have been struck by lightining figuratively, I was walking along minding my business when somebody came into my life and threw everything into total chaos, made me want things I never thought I’d want again, made me question and change beliefs I’d held on to for a long time. Unfortunately its not meant to be and I really don’t see how it could ever be, a perfect stranger years ago and now there’s this chemistry that’s undeniable at least on my end and no matter how hard I pretend they are always at the back of my mind!
What is it about some people that totally captivates others and starts a fire in the belly that cannot be put out. I have only one option, deny these feelings and move on with life but it seems like I am always on the run from something that could be real.
I hope that my quest will lead to self discovery and I will identify the voice calling to me and figure out what I am leaving behind and who’s call I am answering.
Stay tuned and have yourselves a wonderful Independence day if we don’t touch base until then.
P.S Wilmington here we come, Kenya exiles all the way baby www.kenyaexiles.com Rudge is the other love of my life, all the ‘mafans’ see you in North Carolina!
How did I get to this point, I sometimes wonder but no one’s there to answer the question, I doubt that even I, can answer the questions I have because parts of my journey are blurred, its like I walked and walked into nothingness that became something with time. And the questions start here, did I subconciously know that I was looking and I wasn’t wandering as aimlessly as I thought?
I do not want my pursuit to be in vain, the only problem is that I know not what I seek but I know that my heart will identify it to my satisfaction. So I found myself on an expedition I didn’t set out to go on but the more I stay the course, the more I am in the journey, the more joy I find. My morning are always filled with sunshine, my days full of laughter and joy indescribable and I am unable to identify the source but I want to stay in this state forever. I am on a trail full of flowers and I can hear the call of the wild, my blood thirsts for more and is calling out to its mate, I can hear the answer from a distance.
I stop to ask myself where I am headed but realize whatever the answer is, I am not about to stop. The die has been cast and I am following this to fruition and I know its going to be a wondorous sight that awaits me and my heart skips a beat in anticipation, in expectation.
With mild panic I wonder if I am lost, since I don’t know where I am headed how will I know when I stray off the path, does it even matter, is there only one path to the final destination or I can wander about until I stumble on it? Since I have lost myself in this jungle how will I find my way, leave alone find myself again or does the fact that I am on a quest to self discovery negate that?
Now the darkness that was ever so friendly starts to grow legs that chase me around my self created haven! The stars that once glittered in the midnight sky now have terrorizing eyes that watch my every move, the flowers that were ever so beautiful grow menacing arms that reach around me trying to choke the very life I want to preserve out of me. I am filled with bewilderment not knowing how I can save myself from this nightmare, this suffocating state of events!.
And just when my despair was starting to reach new heights of terror, the moon came out from behind the clouds and it was a lovely face with a little smile that comforted me and I heard a voice from a far saying “you are safe, do not be afraid, say good bye to the shackles that hold you back and step forth in faith, heaven awaits thee”. I danced in joy as I rushed forward to the arms I couldn’t see but knew would catch me…….
Have you ever been struck by lightining? I always imagine that it starts at the soles of your feet, a feeling that you cannot understand or comprehend and spreads through the rest of your body to the top of your head. This is where my ‘movie influenced imagination’ kicks in and I imagine that your hair becomes stiff and your eyes bulge out of the eye balls with hands stretched out and the rest of the body stiff.
There rarely is a warning, it just happens I assume since I haven’t been struck by lightning literally. Does everyone have just one ‘the one’ or are there people in life whos sole reason for existence is to confuse you and make you wonder if your future wasn’t meant to have them in it?
I have been struck by lightining figuratively, I was walking along minding my business when somebody came into my life and threw everything into total chaos, made me want things I never thought I’d want again, made me question and change beliefs I’d held on to for a long time. Unfortunately its not meant to be and I really don’t see how it could ever be, a perfect stranger years ago and now there’s this chemistry that’s undeniable at least on my end and no matter how hard I pretend they are always at the back of my mind!
What is it about some people that totally captivates others and starts a fire in the belly that cannot be put out. I have only one option, deny these feelings and move on with life but it seems like I am always on the run from something that could be real.
I hope that my quest will lead to self discovery and I will identify the voice calling to me and figure out what I am leaving behind and who’s call I am answering.
Stay tuned and have yourselves a wonderful Independence day if we don’t touch base until then.
P.S Wilmington here we come, Kenya exiles all the way baby www.kenyaexiles.com Rudge is the other love of my life, all the ‘mafans’ see you in North Carolina!
posted by Sunny D at 4:23 PM
1 Comments:
This is immensly self searching and philosophical. i like the lightening drift...you know how people can hit you and hit you good.
Well put.
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